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Hidup ini umpama bawang…kite perlu mngupasnya satu persatu…dan kdg2 kite mnangis masa mngupasnya…

Hmm..bawang??…kdg2 kite sndiri diberi pilihan utk pilih bawang ape utk dikupas…slalunya bawang yg merah akan dipilih…sbb ape ek??..mstila sbb bwang merah nmpak lebey cantik…berkilat2…tp bile kupas, b’cucuran air mate…betul la mcm kate pepatah ‘don’t judge a book by it’s cover’…

Perlu ke kite menyesal kalo kite sndiri yg pilih bawang tu??…msti ade sbb Tuhan gerakkan hati kite utk kupas bawang yg merah tu…

Bisakah kite melupakan ape yg da jadik??..b’pura2 mcm xde pape yg berlaku…hehee, tp tp bg aku, mmg aku wat mnde tu pn slama nih…kdg2, aku gelak ketawa kuat2 utk smbunyikan kesedihan ….kdg2 aku m’jerit kuat2 utk legakan prasaan…kdg2 aku menangis berhari2 utk meredakan prasaan…hmm, adakah itu juga dikira sbg berpura2??..

Sehingga smpai satu tahap, aku t’ingin kalo aku hilang ingatan…aku t’ingin m’jadik seorg yg xde prasaan…aku x pnah sgka, mnjadik manusia yg b’perasaan itu sesuatu yang pedih…aku x sgka menyayangi seseorg juga ssuatu yg pedih…

Tapi aku slalu ingat pesan dr noorizan…

‘bersihkan hati..lapangkan dada…maafkan semua org..jgn simpan dendam…mintalah pd Tuhan…Tuhan la yg paling sayangkn kita…’

Aku xnk jadik pendendam…ape yg aku wat slama ni, x m’gmbarkn pn yg aku pndendam…Tuhan kan ada…

‘ la takhaf wala tahzan..innAllah ma’ana’

(jgn takut n jgn b’sedih..ssungguhnya Allah bersama kita)

Aku berharap Allah kurniakan aku;

—sedikit dr kasih sygNya..spy dgn kasih syg itu, aku mmpu menyayangi org lain

—sedikit dr keampunanNya..spy dgnnya, aku mmpu memaafkn org lain

—sedikit dr kekuatanNya..spy dgn kekuatan itu, dpt aku m’jadi kuat utk b’hadapan dgn org lain

—sedikit dr kemuliaanNYa..spy dgnnya dpt aku memuliakn manusia yg lain

I made this poem a year past..never had the chance to publish it in this blog..heheee, for many reasons…but eventually, it’s here now…just to potray what I really wanna say bout what it feels being in diz world…but please, for all English masters who read diz, please keep ur comment bout grammar mistakes n what so ever in ur thought…hahaa, I’m juz a beginner…

MY LIFE

This is the only life I’ve been given,

Not my intention to do something uncertain,

But when obstacles come into play,

This is about my life I should say..

I’m such a joyous person,

Unable to show my frown without intention,

When wind of sadness blow,

The next chapter of my life flow..

Searching everywhere for things I don’t know,

Just knowing they’re essential for my soul to grow,

When my emotion reached the limit,

There went my hands and head rised up to Allah to admit…

Then the urge within searching for the lost song,

To the entire world I traveled with my soul and heart along,

When my legs trembled to fall,

There go my eyes closing itself without thinking nothing at all..

Soon i woke up with sober face,

Throwing a deep and tired gaze,

When the direction of my life blinking in the virtual fog,

My soul started to reach in jog..

Gazing at the stars of hope alone,

My heart cried with an unexplainable tone,

When a hand grabbed my shoulder,

I knew I have something to ponder..

There the cycle goes on to prolong,

On the wheel of life with someone I longed,

Wishing somebody understand the pain inside,

That makes me somebody I always hide..

Slalu aku t’tanye2 pasal diri sndiri…x normal ke kalo aku marah??..x normal ke kalo aku menangis??..x normal ke kalo aku hepi??..x normal ke kalo aku sedey??..x normal ke kalo aku membenci??..x normal ke kalo aku susah hati??..x normal ke kalo aku baik??..x normal ke kalo aku jahat??..x normal ke…x normal ke…huhuu, sme mnde nk kne pkir pndangan org lain kan…it’s not simple that I can go on living…

Tp bile dipikir2 balik…tu la nature manusia…as a human, u’ll have that kind of criterias…that’s differentiate u from other beings…itu la yg kite pggil prasaan..tu la yg kite pggil kemanusiaan…watpe b’pura2 smbunyikan kmanusiaan kite??..salah ke kalo kite hanya nk jadik manusia??

As a human, we’re supposed to care for others..mcm mane cara nk tnjuk yg kite amik berat kt manusia lain??..ade satu kisah psal sorg ulama yg aku bace dulu…rasenye name die Hassan al-banna kot…satu ari tu duit die ilang…pastu kwn die pn bgtau ade org da curi..pastu hassan trus mnangis…huhuu, kalo kite pn maybe da meraung kot..dahla JPA x msuk lg…hehee…okeh2, smbung citer tadik…hassan pn nanges…kwn die pn console la die…ckap xpela duit ilang..x byk pn…pastu tau x ape Hassan ckp??…die cakap, “aku x kesah lgsung psal duit tuh..aku mnangis sbb aku pikirkn nasib pncuri tu kat akhirat nnt..sian kat die”..

dushh!!..adakah ia m’berikan tmparan yg hebat kt kite??..rase2nye, pnah x kite nanges mcm tu pasal org lain??..pnah x kite amik berat cmtu skali pasal org sekeliling kite??..pnah x kite b’doa spy org yg jahat berubah..b’doa smoga Allah bukak pntu ati die…spy die t’golong dlm kalangan kekasih2 Nya??..pnah x??

huhuu, sbb tula makin lame dunia ni makin panas literally… hahaa, dahla mmg da panas physically….rase kemanusiaan dah lame ilang kan…jap2 ade org komen psal org lain..komen pasal system la..pasal makanan la…pntadbiran la…huhuu, contohnye kite x stuju ngn sorg leader kan…ade je yg kite x stuju ngn die..mmg la kdg2 ade mnde yg die wat maybe x kne kat mate kite…tp mnde tu mmg x kne pd mate Allah ke??..masyaAllah, berhati2 bila m’kritik!!…n it’s not simple for him to manage the club..with hidden problems that we wouldn’t see with our naked eyes…kalo kite kat tmpat die, kite yakin ke kite x kan wat cmtu??..ntah2, kite lg truk…ingat, satu jari mnuding org lain, 4 jari lg akan mnuding ke arah kite!!

huhuu, sbb tu la jgn mnilai org..kite x b’hak menilai sape2..pnilaian yg adil hanya pd Allah..n ade pepatah yg kate “if we busy judging people, we’ll have no time to love them”…kite nk org syg kite..nk org hormat kite…nk org layan kite baik2…tp layak ke kite mintak camtu??..pnah x kite syg org lain??..pnah x kite hormat org lain??…mcm Stephen R. Covey cakap dlm The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People, “ seek first to understand, then to be understood”…mksudnye, kite kne paham org lain dulu…br la kite bleh m’harap org nk pham kite…it surely true that we can’t change d’world..but d’only thing we can change is ourself..our behavior..our own habits…what we give, we get back…how we see d’world will determine how d’world will see us…

kalo kite sndiri seorg yg kurang ajar…rasenye ade org nk hormat kite balik x??..msti org lain cnderung utk jadik kurang ajar kat kite balik kan….so, d’basic principle is to check our self…nape org wat camtu kat kite??…slalunye msti sbb kite sndiri mmg camtu…

ade lg satu kisah b’kaitan kmanusiaan nih…pasal Rabiatul Adawiyah…sorg ahli sufi..satu mlm tu die bgn tahajjud…tibe2 ade sorg mamat curi masuk umah die…nk curi brg…tp lgsung xde pape dlm umah tuh…yela, ahli sufi mane nk kisah hal dunia nih…pastu, Adawiyah pn t’nmpak mamat nih…die tanye nk ape…hahaa, kalo kite sure da lari lintang pukang nyorok blakang almari…okeh2, smbung citer tadik…mamat tu pn ngaku nk curi tp xde brg…huhuu…

pastu cuba teka ape Adawiyah ckap…die kate “ aku mintak maaf xde pape utk ko amik..tp aku xkn bnarkan tetamu aku pergi dr umah ni tnpa ape2..blakang umah aku ade perigi…amik la wudhu2 n solat 2 rakaat dlm umah aku nih…smoga ko b’oleh pahala utk dibawa pulang”…huhu, pastu mamat tu wat ape yg disuruh n die pn b’taubat…

cuba kite perhatikan kisah tadik…bile kite amik berat psal org…ikhlas mnyayangi org lain, kite mmpu wat idop seseorg b’ubah jadik lebih b’mkna kan…ade pepatah lain kata

“kasih syang yg ikhlas xkan b’tmbah dgn kebaikan n xkan b’kurang dgn kburukan”

Belajar mnjadi ikhlas..dr k’ikhlasan kite akn dpt kekuatan m’bantu org lain…memaafkan org lain..menyayangi org lain…menerima org lain seadanya…unconditional love (kasih syg tnpa syarat)…insyaAllah kite sme akan mnjadi seseorg yg lebih manusia…huhuuu, I’m open for discussion..(“,)

Huhuuu, sok aku da jadik lebih tua dr biasa…hehee, da masuk 23 thn…cepatnye mase b’lalu…rasenye br je aku b’umur belasan taun smalam….da byk mnde aku lalui….da byk pngalaman aku kutip kat sana sini…da byk kawan aku ade di mane2…

A couple of days before my b’day, I got a new perspective of life….aku rase ape yg aku nk slama ni, aku da dpt….aku nk kasih syg…aku nk org2 yg m’mahami aku…aku nk kgembiraan…aku nk p’hargaan…n sbnarnye sme tu aku da dpt…atau maybe pnah dpt satu mase dulu….that’s definitely from my friends….aku rase sronok sgt ade kwn2 yg mcm korg sme…each with different character…different ways of interpreting life….different ways of handling their life…each of u gave me a brand new meaning of life…

Bile pikir sme tuh, aku rase aku da xde pape nk mintak kat Tuhan….smua da cukup…betul la mcm ade org pnah tulis dlm buku

            ‘God has been awfully good to me; I’ve had nothing to complaint anymore’

Thanks to all of my friends….for the happiness, the grief, the sorrow u gave…for the strength to be strong…for the will to carry on…for every single thing….

If any of u made me sad…made me mad…made me upset….i know u did it unpurposely….korg x sngaja….aku maafkn korg smua….n I’m pleading to God…supaya Tuhan bukakan n lembutkan hati korg utk turut maafkn sgala ksalahan aku…I’m just a human being with many soft spots…with many flaws…huhuuu

I’ve made a poem myself…hope u all enjoy it…

A present for my birthday

From days to nights I’m searching,

For a lost song as I feel my heart aching,

Stumbling with words to express,

Failing with acts without success..

To every corner of the world I traveled,

From each part, there’s something made me marveled,

For sometimes it made me laugh out loudly,

For sometimes it made me cried in agony..

When I’m stuck in the rain and storm of life,

Crying n shouting for someone to bring me back to reality,

I reached out my hands helplessly,

Then came pairs of hands reach in doubtlessly..

Today I realized when my age turns to be twenty three,

I need no more from the Almighty,

To have friends like thee to brighten my day,

That’s a special and valuable gift for my birthday…

Hehee, kalo ade grammar mistakes, juz forgive me…my mistakes…that’s all I can do to express my gratitude to all of u….thanks from the bottom of my heart….(^_^)

Huhuu….ari ni ari yg agak sukar dlm idop aku…too many things happen lately…ari ni aku dpt surat cinta yg aku tggu2 slama nih….betul la kate org, pnantian itu satu pnyeksaan (amaran; hanya org yg pnah alami je yg tau camne prasaan tuh…)…hahaa, akhirnya surat saman dr UKKPU slamat tibe ke pangkuan aku n zet…gillerr ahhh….PINK STRIKING tuhhh!!!….5 batu pn da nmpak warna die….

Jadik, dgn keadaan stress n aktiviti simpatetik yg tggi, aku n zet pn pi lerr jumpe dgn timbalan dekan kaji hayat utk mngaku ksalahan n terima sbuah lecture yg indah ttg kselamatan dlm makmal….huhuuu, thank god nothing much happen…kne bg amaran je….fuhhhh, legaaa….

Kdg2, t’pikir gak…napela aku nih kuat smangat sgt nk wat rsearch nih…bukan skali dua kne marah..bukan skali dua kecewa….bukan skali dua stresss….bukan skali dua mngadu naseb ngn zet…bukan skali dua masuk lab smpai tgh mlm…huhuuhuu, akhirnye kutahu sbb mutlaknye….smuanye hanya krn….AKU XKAN DPT GRAD KALO X TRUSKAN LAB NIH!!!!…wahahaaa, tu la…ngade2 sgt nk amik rsearch…

Tp kalo x amik, xtau la camne rasenye…smntara maseh mude nih, cubela rasai smua keadaan….gembira…kecewa….sedey…marah….n yg paling hebat, blaja smbunyikan kesedihan n kebengongan…hahahaaa, u’ll have no idea how much n how severe the experience I’ve been thru all along….kdg2 x p’caya camne aku maseh bleh gelak…maseh bleh senyum dgn smua nih…

Tp mcm imam ghazali cakap, ‘aku lebih sukakn idop yg pendek tp padat b’bnding idop yg pnjang tp kosong’….zmn mude ni la kite cnderung utk m’cari mkna sbnar idop…erti  nape kite diciptakan…seringkali cuba mncari erti prancangn Tuhan….spy bile m’hadap Tuhan nnt, kite ade byk aktiviti yg nk dibentangkn….

Antara soalan yg akan di tanye kt akhirat nnt, ‘ape yg kamu lakukan sms zmn muda kamu??’…so, I’ll definitely have smthg to say to God….

huhuuu, smoga ape yg aku alami spnjang dok kt USM nih m’bntuk diri aku yg sbnar….smua kgembiraan…

kbahagiaan tatkala m’lihat biawak berenang dgn tenang dlm tasik harapan (hehehh)…

kesedihan tatkala jatuh (t’masuk jatuh hati, jatuh pointer n jatuh longkang…hahaahaa)…

kekecewaan tatkala apa yg diharap jadik sebaliknye…..

kemeriahan tatkala b’ada dlm kekecohan b’sama rakan2 (definitely would be zeti, kak ros, riri n zaza)….hahaa, x sgka kite akn b’pisah x lame lg….syahduuu seyhh!!

sedar x sedar, da msuk thn 2008 da nih…huhuuu, naik la umur aku stahun lg…atau dgn lebey ringkasnye, aku da msuk 23 thun…23 seyhhh!!..hahaa, nk gelak bile ingat tahun2 kebelakangn ni yg da b’jaya aku lalui….w’pun byk yg pahit, tp manisnye ttp ade…

bile slalu ingatkn yg pahit, we’ll tend to take smthg for granted…we’ll alwaiz tend to abandon the sweet parts of our life…dlm kepahitan lerr, kite slalu diuji…mngetahui n m’ukur sndiri kebolehan diri…potensi diri…sejauh mane kite b’peranan sbg anak…sbg pelajar…sbg sahabat….sbg manusia…

mcm sorg lecturer aku pnah cakap, ‘we’ll juz need to be a little bit human in this life’….m’beri tnpa m’harap balasan….m’ambil berat dgn prasaan org sekeliling…memaafkan…m’beri peluang kedua…melupakan kesalahan manusia…mngingati kebaikan manusia…well, that might be a narrow definition of being a human…

as human, we alwaiz make mistakes…purposely or without purpose…kdg2 kalo kite renung our past life with an honest heart, kt akn prasan yg Allah slalu menegur kesalahan kite…tp slalunye kite x prasan…that’s why, kdg2 kite t’pikir nape ssuatu mnde asyik jadik b’ulang kali kat kite…tu tandenye kite masih x paham2 ape yg Allah nk bgtau…ape yg Allah nk ajar…

bile tahun br mnjelang, t’pikir akan diri sndiri…bgaimana hubungan dgn Yg Maha Pngasih…sering meyakini kasihNya…namun x pnah m’randuk jalan mnuju kasihNya….lpas Allah bg pngajaran…bg kepahitan…kekecewaan…baru lerr aku merangkak, meraba2 mncari kasihNya….

sbb tu la kite kne p’caya yg ssuatu kjadian tu Allah sngaja rancang sbb Dia amat rindu utk m’dengar suara hambaNya…merintih…menangis…mnyerahkn segala2 padaNya…so, kalo jadik ssuatu, kite kne kaji balik hubungan kite dgn Tuhan….

kite xtau ape sbnarnye yg betul…yg benar di sisi Allah…bukan hak kite utk menilai sesiapa…utk m’hukum ssiapa…bukakanlah hati kite utk lebih memahami org lain sblum inginkn org lain memahami kite…’seek first to understand, then to be understood’…memaafkan krn rasa kemanusiaan…krn rasa kecintaan kpd Tuhan…

selamat tahun baru utk semua…buang yg keruh, amik yg jernih…

(^-^)

hehee..pnah x jadik kalo kite tanye kt sseorg, ”ko ni serius ke?..”…pastu org tu jwab, ”uishh, serius nih…dr hati aku yg tulus..mulus..kudus…fuluss..n yg swaktu dgnnya”…

tulus…

ape ye tulus tuh??…tp stiap dr kite akan pkai topeng stiap kali b’hadpan dgn ssuatu situasi…cthnye..kalo nk pi klas, kite akn pakai topeng sbg student…kalo jumpe member, kite akan pakai topeng sbg kawan…kalo jumpe junior, kite akan pkai topeng sbg senior…camne lak dgn syaitan b’topengkan manusia??…adakah dgn memakai topeng kita akan dituduh sbg x tulus??…x jujur??…huhuu, berat neyh!!

ntahla…

kdg2 kite sukar utk melihat wajah sbnar manusia kan…what’s the real intention behind all of one’s actions…juz leave it to Allah lerr…ade pepatah yg kata ”if u busy judging people, u have no time to love them”…well yeah, it’s true…terima semua manusia seadanya…

sdangkan kite sndiri nk org terima kite…kekurangan kite…kelebihan kite…so, what’s d’big deal??…juz treat d’others as d’way u wish them to treat us…susah ke??…huhuu, if u ask me that question….i’ll surely answer, it’s reaaalllly tough…utk pujuk hati b’sgka baik…utk pujuk hati memaafkn…tp it’s really worth it…eventhough sometimes the outcome don’t give us the satisfaction…

ada pepatah yg kate ”love like u will never being cheated”…aku rase, tu la yg paling perlu kite wat…orait bebeh!!…till then..YOSHH!! (^_^;)

jiwa??…apela mksud jiwa tuh…ade org tkrifkan sbg jiwang..ade yg kate jiwa2..ade yg kate jiwa raga..huhuuu, at least they did mean smthg from heart kan…yes, it surely came from heart..d’most delicate part of our heart…

tp, brapa rmai drpd kite yg pham ttg jiwa tuh??…brapa byk tkrifan ‘jiwa’ yg akan kite terima drpd 10 subjek??…it surely comes out around more than 20 answers…sbb lain org lain fikrahnya (fikrah = pmikiran)..

and it comes to the main topic, camne nk handle jiwa??..boley ke jiwa n prasaan di tahan2??…ade pepatah yg kate ‘to live is like to love..all reasons are against it but all healthy insticts support it’…so, lebey kurang mksudnya, jiwa nih susah nk di control…

w’pun dah terang lg b’suluh ssuatu tu bukan hak kita, but still we insist fate to give it to us…cthnye mcm nk dpt keta besar la…kononnye hebat, bergaya…tp di sbaliknya, its maintenance is surely unthinkable…xkan t’mampu utk org2 yg mcm kite nih (kite ker??…paling tepatnye, org yg mcm sy la..hehe)…tmbah plak dgn masalah2 yg akan timbul pastu…

tp camne lak dgn org yg t’ingin dgn keta buruk…buruk mmg nk b’derai dahla…sme org akan nasihatkn jgn beli…tp camne dgn org yg da jatuh cinta ngn keta tuh…surely die nk beli gak…still insist…so, ni la ibaratnye pepatah tadik…’all reasons are against it but all healthy instincts support it’…mcm pepatah melayu kate la..’x knal maka x cinta’…ewahh, benarkh cinta itu buta???

kdg2 kite t’lalu memaksa takdir utk turut khendak kite…ade satu doa kelakar yg aku jmpa dlm tenet…lebey kurang camnila..

‘ya Allah, kalo betullah die bkan jodohku,

maka jgnla die b’jumpa jodoh selainku..

jika dia bukan utkku,

maka jgnlah die dijadikan utk sape2 pn…

jika die ditakdirkan utkku,

maka matikanlah jodohnya dan jodohkanla die dgnku..’

huhuu, amacam??..kejam x ayat tuh??…haha, dlm sedar x sedar kite sme mmg slalu wat camtu dgn Tuhan pn…mgkin bukan dlm konteks cinta la..dlm konteks pelajaran..kerjaya…etc…

ni la org dok kate memaksa bahter takdir m’ubah haluan m’ikut halatuju kite…adilkah kite dgn Tuhan camtu??…sdgkan Dia lebih tahu yg t’baik utk kite…sdg kan kite dijadikan oleh Dia sbg hambaNya…layak ke kite nk paksa Tuhan??…

haihh, entahla…kdg2 rase da x than nk tggung beban jiwa n prasaan nih…kalo bleh hati ni dibuang, rase nk buang skejap utk bbrp hari…hehee, tp that’s definitely not d’real meaning of life…

life gives us many new beginnings,

to smile eventhough it hurts,

to reach to God when in need,

to aim high n never say die,

becoz there’s always a sun at d’end of the night..

betul x??…sbnarnye, bile smthg happens to us, kite kne muhasabah diri…sbnarnye slah tu dtg dr kite sndiri…kdg2 t’pikir, salah ke kalo kite wat baik kt org…prihatin dgn org…husnuzzan (b’sangka baik) dgn org lain…tp nape endingnye, kite gak yg merana…kite gak yg t’kaciwa…waduh, aku rase la…ntah2 tu cara Tuhan nk sedarkn kite yg x ramai org kt dunia nih m’hargai ssuatu…take things for granted…n jgn t’lalu baik kt org yg x sptutnye…mcm m’curah air ke daun keladi…xde gune..bak kate pepatah, buat baik b’pada2..buat jahat jgn skali…

buat jahat??…xkan nk biar je org pijak kepala kite??…huhuu, sbb tu la Tuhan kate ’sabar itu sebahagian drpd iman’…sbb mmg susah nk sabar…nk tahan marah…nnt ade lak org kate, ‘kalo camtu, smpai bile2 la org tu x sedar diri!!’…

bagi aku la…kite x tau ape yg betul sbnarnye di sisi Tuhan…so, biar Dia uruskan segalanya…mgkin satu hari nnt, Tuhan akan pertemukan org tu dgn org yg lagi teruk b’gnda2 drpd kite…so, at dat time barula org tu t’sedar drpd kebodohannya…barulah die hargai kesabaran kite…anything we do will come back to us…what u give u get back…betul x??

Tuhan yg pegang hati2 manusia…sbgaimana Dia b’kuasa buat jatuh hati kat seseorg, camtu gak la Tuhan boleh buang prasaan tu dr kite…Dia la sebaik2 prancang…

balas dendam??…b’baloi ke jatuh kan maruah kite??…percaya la…’we worth more than that’…’we deserves better than that’!!…

ni pndapat aku jela…hehe,i’m open for discussion…yoshh!!(",)

betul ke

ape yg aku rase slama nih??

atau cuma mainan prasaan

tatkala diselubungi ksedihan..keletihan..kebosanan??

betul ke

skema prasaan yg aku wujudkn dlm diri aku slama nih??

atau cuma mainan prasaan seorg hmba

yg jauh drpd pnciptaNya??

betul ke

ape yg org lain ckp pasal aku??

atau cuma takrifan perspektif manusia yg x smpurna??

betul ke

ape yg aku lakukan pd org lain??

atau cuma simpati kemanusiaan yg hmpir sirna??

betul ke

aku nih dah masuk final sem??

huahua..rase ketidakpercayaan mnyelubungi jiwa!! (”,)